Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale

Eight days isn’t that long, just a week, but it’s forever when you’re waiting for an Ability to ‘stabilize’.

Of course, dwarven society being what it was, I couldn’t just open a portal to a dungeon in the middle of the city, there were forms to be filled and rules to follow. Portal Abilities were rare, but did exist, usually for Specialisations linked to Aaron, the God of exchange.

So, it was back to City Hall, where I waited in lines, filled some forms, waited in more lines, used my nobility to skip said lines – rank hath its privilege – then filled more forms.

The one big upside to all of this bureaucracy was that I didn’t have to wait the weeks or months extra that it would’ve taken me to get all the approvals and paperwork done on Earth.

Unfortunately, it turned out that while portal abilities were rare, Dungeon portals were… a little more rare.

I paid a rather exorbitant license, agreed to a contract that stipulated a certain percentage of my dungeon’s value would need to be paid to the city to help ensure security. Additionally, I was going to need to hire an expeditionary team, and the first opening of the dungeon would have to be in a special space set aside for dangerous Ability testing. And it would need to be overseen by the army.

The city wanted to know if A) monsters could come out of the door, and B) if people could come out of the door and use the dungeon to launch an invasion. Option A had been Balin’s first concern, but B hadn’t occurred to any of us.

It was obvious in retrospect, but none of us thought like weasley military folk.

So it was that I found myself in the Adventurer’s guild, flirting with the lovely red-bearded easterner receptionist, and filling out more paperwork.

The Adventurer’s Guild was located in Greywall right near Scout’s Crossing. It was a quick trek across the bridge to Deepcore Dungeon’s entrance down on the banks of Darkwater. It was meant to act as a forward base of both people and supplies in case of a Dungeon Break or Stampede. The building was even more ostentatious than Minnova’s, with enormous stoney rib-bones lining the outer walls and the heads of various monsters hanging off nearly every vertical surface.

It had a similar layout to Minnova’s guild as well, with a cavernous underground interior dedicated to a bar and reception area. It had three total floors, which made it even bigger than the shopping district we’d seen in Gemena. I put it roughly equal in size to a shopping mall’s mezzanine area from back on Earth.

I was in the middle of a one-liner about a barber dwarf and his beard being parted, and was getting some solid giggles from the receptionist, when I heard a voice behind me.

“Hey, is that Balin’s brother?”

“I think it is. Pete! What’re you doin’ here, eh?”

I turned away from the suddenly scowling receptionist to see Balin’s adventuring team, Brightstar, coming up to the counter.

Starshine of Silverlight led the way, with her sleek close-cropped brown beard and confident demeanor. She smiled affably with a twinkle even brighter than her namesake silver plate armour. She was the leader of the group and the foil to Balin’s Goldenlight moniker. A Titled [Juggernaut], she never took her armor off unless it was getting repaired.

Beside her was her best friend and confidant, Raysdotter. The ruddy black-bearded and black-leather clad [Priest] strutted with flair like a BDSM nun out of a lurid romance novel. She held her hands behind her head in seeming boredom, but her eyes kept glancing sharply into the dark corners of the room. As the group’s cleric she served as their scout and healer.

Skipping after them in her contrasting white robes was the party’s [Lightbringer] mage, Aishablue. The permed South Erden gnomess waved cheerily as they approached. Her warm brown complexion was unique, matched only by a stout dwarven warrior sitting in the back of the room. Southerners were quite rare in Crack, as they not only had to brave the old roads, but also make the trek across continents.

A white haired and bespectacled gnome followed aimlessly behind the party, bumping off passersby who glared then shied away when they saw what he was doing. He had some vicious looking knives out and was shaving bits and pieces from a small glass dragonfly. Every once in a while he swore viciously at a mistake only he could see. That was Flowerpott, their eclectic [Golemancer].

I’d met them on-and-off when they came to the pub, usually to drop off or pick up Balin. My brother was absent from the group today, having taken the day off from adventuring to do some carpentry around the Thirsty Goat.

“Hullo everyone! Nice ta see you! I’m just doin’ some paperwork.” I waved back. “Ya trainin’ in the training halls?”

“Nah,” Raysdotter shook her head. “We’re keeping an eye out for interesting quests. The board was pretty empty last time, and it isn’t really worth it to dive deep into the dungeon without any, y’know?”

“I still think we should spend some time farming supplies on Whitehall beach.” Flowerpott said, glancing up hopefully.

“You just want to get some rare sands for your glass.” Starshine rolled her eyes. “I already told you, I’m not putting this team in danger just for that!”

“Danger! As if Whitehall presents any danger to us at this point!” Flowerpott grumped.

“There’s always a danger!” Starshine snapped, then launched into a lecture. Flowerpott groaned and tried his best to ignore her, which only got her going harder.

“How are you doing, Peter?” Aishablue asked, walking up beside me. She was short for a gnomess, nearly as tiny as Raspberrysyrup, and her head just barely came above the counter. Her voice had the lilt I associated with a Punjabi accent – a little quirk of my translation Ability that I’d gotten used to at this point.

“Doin’ well. I just got Specialised.” I held myself up proudly.

“Again?” She gave me side-eye. “You are even faster than Balin.”

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“What can I say, I’m a hard worker.”

“Mm-hm.”

“That’s actually why I’m here. I got, well, somethin’ special from my Specialisation, nyuck!”

“Mmhmm. You are not the first person to make that particular joke and will not be the last. Let us be the judge if it is special. What is it?”

“It’s special enough that I need ta register it with the guild.” I waggled my eyebrows, pointing down at the paperwork.

“That’s what you are doing? That is special. So what is it?” She stood on tiptoes to peek over the counter.

I swept the paperwork up and passed it to the receptionist. She smiled at me and frowned faintly at Aishablue, pointing up to the second floor balcony. “Brightstar, there were several new Gold level quests posted this morning. They’re up on the board on the second floor.”

Aishablue ignored her. “Are you free for drinks? We haven’t been by the Goat since before we fought the Carminecarp, it would be nice to catch up.”

“Sure, I’d be happy to. Let me finish here and I’ll come join you.” The party filed past and up the stairs and I resumed doing paperwork with the now-slightly-deflated receptionist.

It took almost an hour of stamps, signatures, reading, double-checking, and a runner down to the Guild Master for final approval, but I now had everything necessary to open my very own dungeon. Everything but one piece, which I was about to get.

I found team Brightstar at one of the central tables in the bar. They were all face deep in their mugs, except Aishablue who was sipping demurely at a teacup. Raysdotter spotted me first and waved me over, sending Flowerpott to go get a fresh round of drinks.

I sat down with a groan. “Ugh, between city hall and the guild I must’ve spent a solid seven or eight hours doing paperwork today.”

“That long?” Starshine’s brows raised. “What on Erd did you get?”

“I’ll tell you as soon as Flowerpott is back with those drinks.” I stretched my back and groaned.

We made smalltalk until Flowerpott returned with a tray full of traditional dwarven tankards. Whistlemugs were popular, but Whistlemop was still limiting sales to keep demand high. Plus, glass didn’t go well in the more violent bars, which the adventurer’s guild absolutely was.

“Thanks Flowerpott.” I took mine and drained half of it in a single gulp, then activated my new Blessing.

*Bing*

Discerning Palate

Maker: Johnathan Schist

Origin: Kinshasa, Crack

Ingredients: Yeast, Pineweed, Water, Eastern Erdroot, Bitterleaf, Citrustree Bark, Puffball Mushroom

I wiped my lips with happiness. “Ah, one of Riverside’s new brews. Excellent.”

I needed to use [Discerning Palate] on our Goldstone New Brew so I could finally know the secret ingredients to the Goldstone Bitters! Annie would pop!

“I kind of miss their old Sacred Brew.” Starshine sighed. “But the new stuff is good too.”

“These sours make all the rigamarole of the last year worth it.” Flowerpott said brightly as he dug into his mug. “I can’t believe you dwarves were hogging this stuff for so long.”

“Just the sours? What about the voting? The citizen’s council? Thegnomes in the government?” Raysdotter asked with a hint of amusement.

The obsessive gnome spat. “Bah, politics. Who cares?”

“Okay, now spill, Pete.” Aishablue said, a little more forcefully this time. Everyone leaned forward to listen conspiratorially.

I held for a suspenseful breath, then spilled. “I got a new Ability that allows me ta create a dungeon in a separate dimension. We haven’t opened it yet – we were waitin’ on city and Guild approval – but that’s all done now. Sometime next week we’re gonna open it up in a secured location and send a team in to investigate.”

Five mouths dropped open in shock. Raysdotter was the first to recover. “Whooee! That is something all right! Clan Goldstone is planning to become the next of the big clans, eh? With the Blackbeards gone there’s definitely space.”

I grinned. “The thought has crossed our minds.”

“A private dungeon only you can enter? I’ve heard of Abilities like that, but only in legend.” Starshine raised her mug in a toast. “Congratulations, you’ve made it big!”

There was a general toast and cheers. Raysdotter slapped me on the back with enough force to shove me into the table with a *whoof*.

“Anyways,” I readjusted my armor. “I need a team ta scout the dungeon. They told me I need at least a Silver or Gold level team. I asked fer somethin’ higher, but they turned me down.”

The adventuring team levels were Bronze, Silver, Gold, Mithril, and Adamantine. All teams started at Bronze, and became silver when they reached their first Teleportation Point in any dungeon. Gold was for beating a boss, Mithril for having all members twice-Specialized, and Adamantine could only be given by the King himself.

Starshine nodded. “Bronze and Silver would be too weak, and Mithril and Adamantine teams are too rare and important to send into an unknown dungeon. A Gold Team’s about right. The pay would need to be good though.”

I set my drink down on the table and said seriously, “The pay is good, no taxes on anything they get fer the first hundred years of delving into tha dungeon, plus five thousand gold. Oh, and guaranteed adventuring lanes.”

“What a deal.” Flowerpott sighed.

I nodded. “Which is why I want a team I know and trust ta do it.”

It took a moment, but the armored sock dropped. “You want us to do it?” Starshine gawped. “We only just became Gold after beating the Carminecarp! We’ve barely been adventuring for three years!”

“Sure, which makes getting Gold already impressive enough. But you’ve also helped beat back a Dungeon Break with those Shaleshark, and made a name for yourself, Miss Silverlight!” I shot back.

Sarshine shook her head. “If your dungeon gets big, it could land whoever scouts it in the history books. And all dungeons get big. Are you sure you don’t want an older or more famous team?”

“Who cares!? He offered, take it, Starshine! We accept, Pete!” Raysdotter was practically jumping up and down.

“I don’t like the idea of a new dungeon too much.” Flowerpott frowned. “What if it’s all just poison swamp? And filled with nothing but boss monsters?”

“It’s a young dungeon, the monsters should still be quite weak.” Aishablue smiled beatifically. “I would very much like to be, as Starshine said, in the history books.”

Starshine looked around at all the eager faces and sighed. “What does Balin say about it?”

I smirked. “Eh, he’s fine with it, but thought you wouldn’t go for it. I said I could convince you.”

“Then it’s a pleasure to be working for you, boss.” There was a spitting sound from her helm, and then she pulled her sopping wet beard out the front of her faceplate and held it forward.

I hocked in my own beard then took it in hand to shake spit-beards. “Let our beards and our words be one. Here’s to a long and prosperous relationship.”

“Dwarves…” Flowerpott muttered.

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