Why would he want a monster like her? After experiencing something so frightening, she should have pulled away and ensured she never held another weapon or went anywhere near such a violent world. But instead, she found herself joining the underworld, almost like there was a tug, a pull towards violence.
A pull towards a world of blood, pain, and misery.
Her thoughts broke off, hearing a gentle voice beside her.
"Sumire," Toh said softly.
It was Toh. Toh was kneeling beside her.
"Do you remember everything now?" Toh asked gently.
Sumire shakes her head. "Not entirely. But I remember what I did, I remember that I killed, and then I-"
She felt the bile again and bent towards the toilet bowl.
"T-they, they were already hurt. But they were the ones who pulled me away from that room. They were the ones who headed to the forest with me."
It took her so long to remember why there were guards there in the first place. It's because they were trying to take her away to a safe place. Sumire recalled her mother mentioning it to her once, a hidden mansion in the forest. The guards must have been trying to take her there while they called for help.
But instead she, she-
"It's alright, Sumire. Calm down, breathe." Toh's voice was soothing, but she was having difficulty calming down.
"I can't."
Toh stroked her hair and felt his hands brush the back of her neck, coaxing her lungs to fill with air. It took her a few minutes, but she continued to follow his instructions and the movement of his fingers. She sucked the air in, still trembling, heart pounding fast, but she listened to him.
She breathed in and out until she stopped shaking. She curled herself into a ball shape, but Toh grabbed hold of her hands.
"My love," Toh said gently. "I'm right here."
She would have scowled at him for that nickname in any normal circumstance. But not now. She feels so drained, tired, and weak. The latter is probably because she threw up an entire days meal, but she knew she wouldn't be able to stomach food right now.
It took her a few extra minutes to calm down, and even then, her heartbeat still pounded extra loudly. If Toh heard it, he didn't say anything and simply picked her up and brought her back to the bed.
Her heartbeat, this unusual sound. It must be related to that man. Toh is definitely on her side. If she were to ask him, Sumire knew he would give her the information she needed.
"Toh, I want to ask-"
"Whatever it is can wait," Toh said softly. "I won't be going anywhere. I will be right here by your side."
That's right. He is this type of person. That's why it didn't take long for her to trust him, to trust, and to fall in love with him. She wondered when did those feelings disappear? When did she fall in love with Ru? Or perhaps she truly never got over Toh?
Sumire noticed that he kept staring at her with a mixture of gentleness and amusement in his eyes.
"What is it? You keep staring."
"I was just thinking that there is something good about seeing you on my bed."
"That sounds inappropriate."
Toh laughed. "I think getting you in some nightwear would be better." He snapped his fingers, and her night clothes appeared on the edge of the bed alongside some lingerie. "See, I don't know if your tastes have changed-"
"I-I can change clothes later!" Sumire said, horrified.
It's not like she vomited on her clothes. She doesn't necessarily have to change. Sumire raised her arm and sniffed. Or maybe the smell is sticking?
Toh pressed his lips to her forehead. "You smell divine. Relax."
How can she relax after hearing that? Now she is even more self-conscious than before. Hearing his laugh, Sumire paused to look at him.
'I've noticed that he laughs more.'
He used to be more stoic. No, he used to be calm and relaxed all the time. It was hard to tell what he was thinking. It's still hard to understand him now, but he seems more carefree now. It's almost like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.
"Toh?"
"Yes?"
"Were you upset when I stopped contacting you?" Sumire wondered.
He went through all that trouble to keep in touch, even though he was being observed. Toh found a way to contact her, and after hearing her cry, he didn't hesitate to rush to her.
"I was," Toh admitted with a painful smile on his face. "But I understood and wanted to give you your space."
Sumire isn't surprised by his response. He truly is kind. From the moment they met, he has been nothing but good to her. She wondered what the true extent of his feelings was. Why does he care for her so much?
Her thoughts break off when she feels Toh raise her shirt.
"Toh-?" Sumire said nervously.
"Just calming you down. I won't do anything more."
Indeed after kissing her stomach for a few minutes, he drew back and positioned himself beside her on the bed. But, after a few seconds, he suddenly stood up abruptly.
"Toh?" Sumire said, confused.
What is he doing? Wasn't he about to get comfortable and go to sleep?
"A shower," Toh grumbled.
"Oh," Sumire said, understanding.
"I'll be right back."
Sumire nodded and watched as he frantically bolted into the bathroom. For a minute, she remains there frozen and then recalls the brief sensation of something pressing against her back.
It confirmed what she had been thinking about this entire time, confirming Toh's feelings for her. He only kissed her stomach for a few seconds, and yet he actually- Sumire shook her head. Don't think about it.
'Why?'
It doesn't make sense to her. They have been apart for at least a year and a half now, and in that year, he was dating someone else. Recalling what he said about their relationship, she paused. But Toh even admitted that his relationship with Miss Lisa didn't turn out well.
He must have seen other women at that time. Even if Toh didn't actively seek other women, others would have sought him out. She hugged one of the pillows against her chest.
But maybe he truly has been waiting for her this entire time. Since they saw each other again, she occasionally caught him looking at her, with those gentle eyes filled with affection.
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