Change
Ryun stepped inside his territory and silence finally returned. His perception had spread through the entire Sect while he was outside, and the background noise had been too much, especially with everything else.
Erdania and Selia’s words, their concerns… He didn’t know what to do with it. Was he wrong? They thought so, and that was enough for him to reconsider.
He was so angry, all he saw was red. His every waking moment consumed with the need to punish and kill everyone that threatened those he loved, everyone who would even think of harming them.
Was he consumed by his emotions as Erdania and Selia thought? Yes, but that was how he had always been. He followed his whims and his emotions, did what he wanted when he wanted. Emotions were never his strong suit.
He walked over to his forge, passing through the nebula sphere and into the platform surrounded by an illusion of stars. Bright Star sat on top of the anvil, but didn’t speak to him, knowing his mental state.
He sat on the ground and turned introspective, going over his actions, reexamining everything. It was the least he could do for Erdania and Selia.
What was he supposed to do? He didn’t know how to act without following this urge that rumbled inside his soul. Zach would have him limit himself, act in accordance to some moral guideline that was alien to Ryun. There was no good and evil in his mind, no black or white, only his side and the other. And the other didn’t warrant a consideration.
Did that make him a monster? In their eyes, certainly. He didn’t feel like one. He felt righteous, justified. The Exalted Empire had attacked his family, his wives, their unborn children. They deserved to die. All of them.
But Erdania and Selia’s words were like a splinter in his mind, a nagging doubt that refused to go away. They weren’t weak women, cowering behind him. They were strong, capable warriors, and they had survived the assassination alongside him. They had felt what he felt. Their words carried weight, and he couldn’t simply dismiss them. He never would, he loved them too much.Love was not an emotion that came easily to him, but he had always followed its guidance. When he loved someone, he loved them fully, was willing to do anything for them. That list wasn’t long, a handful of names, but for them he would slaughter the world. He didn’t feel any reservations for that belief. That was who he had always been.
He hadn’t lost anyone, by luck and their power, and yet… He nearly did. He almost lost those he loved, and his unborn children. That terrified him. He had this need inside to wipe out everything that had even a shred of possibility of becoming a threat to them.
He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He needed to think, to find a way to reconcile his rage with Erdania’s concerns. He couldn’t lose himself in his anger. He remembered her words, her reminder about Tali. He was only human, or at least he used to be, but still he wasn’t perfect. He was a hypocrite, as all people capable of change were. He had advised Tali to let her hate go, and she hadn’t listened. She had paid the price for that decision. And Ryun felt like he had failed her too. The person that gave her that advice was the one that lived in a world where his best friend was still whole.
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Now Tali was just an empty shell, and he found himself wondering if his advice was right.
He knew what Erdania and Selia wanted, the same thing that Zach did, though the two of them would perhaps not demand the same degree of restraint.
To kill anyone who stood in his way was what he knew. What he was good at. Innocence or guilt were… important to him, but less so than actions. Support for his enemies was one action that he deemed enough for retribution, and if there were those more innocents near, if they decided to stay in his way, it was only natural for him to kill them too.
He was the End, it was what he was good for. The only thing. He looked up at the anvil and the hammer. Everything else was slowly slipping away from him. His ability to craft was wasting away, with every moment it grew weaker.
He was losing a thing that he loved, and he had no way of holding on to it. That only added to everything, it made him frustrated, it made him angry.
Erdania was right, of course. He was blinded by rage. That didn’t mean that he was wrong though. If they were to be safe, he had to make a statement, a demonstration of power and cruelty so vast that everyone would know, to attack what was his was paramount to stabbing a dagger into your own heart.
He… didn’t know how to do that without overwhelming and careless violence.
If he was alone, he wouldn’t even be thinking about it. He would’ve already been in the Exalted Empire, killing everyone in his way.
Love had always been his greatest weakness. It was for love and pain that he had killed so many on Earth. It was love that drove him to attack the Last Ember sect. Love that made him go after the Unchained and put him at odds with the yeti.
And now… now it was love that was trying to reign him in. Erdania and Selia, he knew that if he pressed, if he stood his ground, they would support him in the end. He could feel it through the bond, their love for him was grand enough that they would overlook their concerns and support him.
He couldn’t do that to them.
He felt his anger slowly soften, its harsher edges dull. The Exalted Empire had to pay, they agreed with him on that. He just had to be… less extreme.
For them, he could do that, even if it went against his nature.
Even with the decision made, he still felt… frustrated, fueled by emotion that he couldn’t quite get under control. He never had the need to before. Emotion had helped him, through anger and need he had grown his power, changed.
He felt restless, unsure of how to proceed. He stood and walked over to the anvil, picking up Bright Star in his hand.
Frustration was still present in his being. So much of it mixed together. The anger he felt wasn’t solely directed at his enemies. There was so much more to it.
He felt robbed of things he enjoyed, and by no one’s fault but his own. He had pushed himself to this peak, embraced this power that had stolen a piece of him.
But his ability to create wasn’t fully gone just yet. Creation had always helped him clear his mind, the focus of the hammer and anvil helped him resolve issues or find insights into power and the future.
Perhaps he should take advantage while he was still capable.
“You ready for some work?” Ryun sent to Bright Star.
“Always.”
Ryun nodded then took a deep breath and put Bright Star back on the anvil. He turned and walked back to the portal then out of his territory. He didn’t know how long he had spent inside, but Erdania was there, waiting.
She laid in the pit, on top of plush pillows. Her eyes found his the moment he stepped back into the Real Realm.
“You feel calmer,” she said with a faint smile.
Ryun shrugged. “Somewhat. Come, we are leaving.”
She raised an eyebrow as she stood up. “Leaving?”
“We are going to Eratemus’s fortress.”
He could feel her confusion, she hadn’t expected him to say that.
“Why?”
“I need materials,” Ryun answered almost absentmindedly. His thoughts were consumed by ideas, things he wanted to create while he still could.
“Let’s find Anrosh first,” he said as they walked out of the rooms given to them. “She’ll stay here and organize the sects for war.”
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