Malfunctioning Utopia

Chapter 75: Am I Using the Wrong Stance?

"If I blow a hole in the square, how much would I have to pay?"

Chen Huai'an stared at the grassy field in deep thought.

He wasn’t exactly broke right now, but he doubted he had enough to cover that kind of damage.

"Is there anything I can blow up without having to pay for it?"

After pondering for a while, he made his way to a nearby garbage dump.

The place was nearly overflowing with trash, and the collection truck hadn’t arrived yet. Since it was all garbage anyway, blowing a hole here shouldn’t be an issue.

"Alright… here goes!"

His eyes sharpened as he took a deep breath, reaching into his bag.

Biu—

The talisman flew about half a meter before flopping weakly to the ground.

Chen Huai'an: "…"

No, wait. Maybe it needed an incantation?

He picked up the talisman and shouted, "Waaah! By the decree of the heavens!"

Biu—

The talisman flew half a meter and flopped down again.

…Was the incantation wrong?

Chen Huai'an frowned and tried again:

"Condense—!"

"Go!"

"Fly, you fool!"

"Purple Zap—!"

"Adoken!"

"Chi-Bi-Ni!"

"Saiban—!!"

One by one, the talismans all flopped lifelessly to the ground.

Chen Huai'an fell into deep contemplation.

No, this didn’t make sense.

In the game, he never chanted anything.

So the problem wasn’t the incantation.

That meant… his stance was wrong!

How did immortals throw talismans?

He tested different poses—

The shot put spin, the javelin throw, the poker card flick, the Salt Bae sprinkle…

Nothing worked.

"Hah… I was too naive after all."

He tilted his head back at a melancholy 45-degree angle, staring wistfully at the sky.

With a self-deprecating chuckle, he muttered, "There’s no such thing as talismans. No such thing as the cultivation world. It’s all just the delusions of a terminal cancer patient."

A stray dog trotted past, sniffed at his shoe—

Its face changed instantly.

With a terrified whimper, it bolted like it had just seen a ghost.

Chen Huai'an blinked, then suddenly had a revelation.

Back then, the talisman only activated when it landed on something alive.

So just throwing it wasn’t enough—he needed a specific target!

…But what should he use as a target?

Baji’s face immediately popped into his mind.

Back in the room, Baji was curled up on the sofa, dozing off—

Suddenly, it shivered violently.

A bone-chilling sense of doom washed over it, from head to tail.

It whipped its head around, scanning for danger—

Nothing.

And yet, it knew—someone had just harbored a murderous intent toward it.

"No, no, Baji is too cute," Chen Huai'an shook his head.

"I can’t go around abusing animals."

The ominous presence around Baji suddenly vanished.

"Hmm, I’ll just buy a fish at the market later."

That seemed like the most ethical solution.

He was going to eat it anyway, so technically, it wasn’t cruel.

Besides, normal fish preparation involved descaling and gutting.

If the talisman worked, it’d just zap the fish into instant charcoal—a quick and painless death.

With his conscience cleared, Chen Huai'an cheerfully jogged to where the old man practiced martial arts.

Sure enough, the old man was there.

"Yo, kid! You didn’t show up yesterday. I thought you were just on a three-day hype train!"

Old Man Li’s murky old eyes brightened up at the sight of Chen Huai'an.

He had actually felt a little disappointed when the kid didn’t show up.

"Hahaha, no way! Something just came up yesterday, Li Lao."

Chen Huai'an propped up his selfie stick and opened the game.

The moment the screen loaded—his nose nearly spurted blood.

Inside the game, Li Qingran had changed into the newly purchased sleepwear.

Perfect fit.

She sat on the edge of the bed, her cheeks red like crushed cinnabar, the blush spreading down to her slender neck.

Loose strands of hair framed her face, partly covering her ears like red jade hidden in black silk.

She puffed up her cheeks and blew at her bangs, revealing a smooth forehead.

Her delicate collarbones were exposed, forming tiny pavilions amidst soft jade mountains.

Beneath them, a small jade pendant rested against the skin—a green phoenix on a red string, resembling plum blossoms on snow.

Her waist was slender, barely a handful.

Under the dim candlelight, her tiny feet swayed slightly, making her graceful curves shift ever so gently, like a breeze stirring the night.

And those feet…

Those dainty little feet…

"Oi, kid. What the hell are you looking at? It’s pitch dark."

Chen Huai'an jerked back to reality, instinctively slapping a hand over the screen.

With an awkward laugh, he stammered, "N-Nothing! Just… reviewing exam materials! Ahaha… ahahahaha…!"

"At least you’re responsible. My grandson’s your age, but all he does is start businesses—lost twenty million and still wants to start another one!"

Old Man Li sighed, rubbing his temples.

Chen Huai'an’s eyes lit up.

"Wait, Li Lao—what did you just say?"

"About my grandson starting a business?"

"No, the last part."

"That he lost twenty million?"

"Yes! Yes, exactly!"

Chen Huai'an beamed with 99% shameless flattery.

"Li Lao, entrepreneurship is a heavy burden! Having your grandson carry it alone is simply too cruel! Why not count me in?"

"Eh, well… it’s not impossible," Old Man Li waved a hand dismissively.

"But my grandson took out loans for it."

Chen Huai'an: "…Let’s just stick to martial arts."

Back to practice.

Chen Huai'an forced himself not to look at Li Qingran.

Instead, he checked his Green Lotus Sword Manual progress—and was immediately dumbfounded.

The first 12 chapters of the sword techniques had all reached 99% comprehension.

Just a little more, and they would break into the next stage.

Even more shocking—

The first move, Breaking Waves with the Long Wind, and the second move, Sword Light Unleashed, were already unlocked and ready for training.

"What the hell?! What happened?!"

Chen Huai'an was completely stunned.

He didn’t remember practicing any of these.

How did they all level up on their own?!

Had he been training in his sleep?!

"Kid, I see you’re pretty interested in swordplay."

While Chen Huai'an was frantically clicking around, trying to find answers, Old Man Li smugly spoke up.

"I went home and studied your stance from last time. Turns out, it was actually a sword technique opener. So I dusted off my old Tai Chi Sword skills… What do you think? Wanna learn from this old man?"

Chen Huai'an narrowed his eyes.

"Wait… Old Man Li, are you actually good at swordplay?"

"Ahem—"

Old Man Li lifted his chin.

"Not to brag, but… probably the best in the province."

"Whoa! That’s insane!"

Old Man Li beamed, slapping Chen Huai'an’s shoulder.

"I guarantee, kid—one look at my swordplay, and you’ll be begging to call me ‘Master’!"

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