Merchant Crab

Balthazar and his friends followed the fairies through a few trees until they reached the side of a tall cliff.

The crab’s eyestalks tilted back as he gazed all the way up the wall of jagged stone in front of them. Far up, near the top, he could see a small opening, like a cave entrance.

“Tweedus lives up there,” said Rada, fluttering around next to them.

Balthazar sighed. “Are you about to tell me we have to climb seven thousand steps to get to the old man or something ridiculous like that?”

“Oh, nah, there are no steps.”

“Alright, good, that’s a relief, because I don’t do stair—”

“You gotta fly to get there.”

“What?!”

The fairy shrugged. “The way he sees it, if you ain’t fly enough to know how to fly, you ain’t worth seeing anyway.”

“C’mon, you must know some kind of levitation spell, don’tcha?”

“I swear, every single time…” Balthazar muttered under his breath before speaking up again. “No, I don’t! I’m a land and aquatic creature, I have no business flying!”

“Alright, cool, that’s, like, your problem now, crabo,” Rada said, throwing the strand of hair Balthazar had offered around her neck like a scarf. “We did our part, we showed you the way. If you want to skedaddle back to where you came now, that’s fine.”

The merchant slumped down. “No. I can’t do that. I need to see him. It’s… really important.”

The fairy looked at him from the corner of her eye. “There is another way for you to get up there… if you offer us another strand of that witch’s hair.”

“Take it!” Balthazar said, snipping another lock of hair from the wig and shoving it in front of her. “Just show me how to get up there already.”

After smiling from ear to ear at the crab’s gift, Rada placed two fingers between her lips and whistled.

“Alright, sisters, gather ‘round. You know how we do it!”

Without so much as a warning, the glowing fae started surrounding Balthazar with giggles and buzzing.

“Wha… wait… what are you doing? I don’t—Ooooh!”

The crab felt his eight feet rising off the ground as hundreds of tiny fairies picked him up by the sides of his shell.

Cold wind rushed against his eyes as they lifted him up into the air at an alarming speed.

“I don’t like flying! Let go of me!”

His eyestalks twisted downward to see the ground and the top of the trees shrinking below as they rose through the air.

“No, no, no, don’t let go of me!”

Between howling wind, loud buzzing, and giggly chattering, Balthazar reached the entrance on the side of the cliff and felt the fairies let go of him right at the edge. ℟ＡŊổ₿ĚS̈

“Oof!” he exclaimed as his shell hit the cave floor. “You could have at least warned me!”

“Gotcha up here, didn’t we?” Rada said with a shrug and a sassy shake of her head. “Tweedus’s crib is right down that way. We did as agreed. See ya around, snippers!”

Throwing both strands of hair over her shoulders, the fairy fluttered away and back down with the other tiny sprites buzzing behind her.

As they disappeared past the edge, Balthazar saw a much larger figure fly up.

“Boss, boss!” yelled Druma as Blue landed and he hopped off her back. “Boss was flying! It was awesome!”

The crab scowled at his grinning and jumping assistant. “No, it wasn’t. I hated it. I don’t want to do that ever again.”

Turning the other way, Balthazar faced the cave in front of them. It extended down into a tunnel that curved well into the inside of the mountain.

“Let’s just find this wizard,” he said, wanting nothing more than to put his latest flying experience behind him.

After a couple of minutes walking, the light from outside started fading behind them, but at the same time, a new glow started coming into view up ahead.

The trio glanced at each other as they started hearing something coming from the path in front of them. It was like music, but produced by instruments the crab had never heard before. It was no bard’s lute or partygoer’s drum. No flute could make such sounds, and he was certain not even the impressive piano thing he had seen in Marquessa could produce such unfamiliar noises.

Whatever that “music” was, it felt completely alien to the crab’s world. Oddly catchy, however.

As they approached the soft bluish light ahead, Balthazar saw a large shadow against the cave wall.

It was a man’s shadow, wearing a pointy hat and moving around wildly, like he was… dancing.

“Hello?” Balthazar yelled over the loud music.

The shadow stopped dancing and moved away a few steps. The music ceased.

“Uh… hello?” the crab repeated.

“Yes, yes, I’m coming, hold your unicorns!” an old but erratically energetic voice yelled from up ahead as the shadow grew smaller.

Finally, a man appeared around the corner. He was old, ridiculously so. He was also scrawny, concerningly so. Despite that, he moved with the spryness of someone much younger.

He was wearing a tall wizard hat as well as robes. Except they were not your typical wizard robes. Tied at the front by a thick rope, the old man wore a thick and fluffy purple bathrobe that left his skinny shins exposed and matched his also purple plush slippers.

“You’re not the pizza courier!” Tweedus exclaimed, his furry eyebrows furrowing at the visitors.

“Uhm, no…?” Balthazar hesitantly said. Despite searching for the wizard for so long, the crab now realized he never really considered what he’d say once he found the old adventurer.

“Well, fiddlesticks!” the wizard exclaimed. “I’m hungry enough to eat a mammoth right now. And I don’t even like mammoth meat!”

“Right… Not sure if you remember me but—” Balthazar started.

“Of course I do!” Tweedus said.

“Oh, good, that makes things a bit easi—”

“You’re one of my ex-wives’ lawyers, aren’t ya?”

“What? No.”

“Oh, good. Come on in then!”

Without waiting another moment, the elderly adventurer turned and walked around the corner again.

Looking at his companions in confusion, Balthazar shrugged and followed him.

“To be honest,” the crab said as he caught up to the man down the cave, “I didn’t really think we’d be able to just walk into your place like this, without any security measures in the way.”

“Hah!” Tweedus laughed. “Ya passed about thirty different runes, sigils, and other magical traps on your way here. They just don’t get triggered by weak, non-threatening things. I can’t be bothered to reset them every time a mosquito flies into my house!”

“I’m both relieved and slightly insulted…” Balthazar muttered.

As they reached the end of the tunnel, the crab’s eyestalks stood up, impressed by the cave chamber in front of them.

The room was large but packed with stuff everywhere. Shelves, tables, and an old desk were covered with countless piles of books as well as strange trinkets and gizmos, filling the place with so much visual noise that Balthazar’s eyes couldn’t pick the first thing to focus on.

Above, near the center of the rocky ceiling, a smooth ball of shiny metal was slowly spinning in place, emanating a soft and pale blue light that cast funky patterns on every surface around the room.

On a table, near the wizard’s desk, a strange device the crab had never seen before whirred softly as an odd-looking black disc spun in place on the surface of it. It looked to Balthazar like it was made of licorice, but it did not look appetizing at all. As for the large and hollow brass horn sticking out of the device, he had no clue what it was for.

The more the merchant looked around, the more questions he had about the things he was seeing, but he knew he needed to focus on what really mattered.

“Maybe you don’t remember, but we met before, months ago. You traded me a golem core.”

“Of course I remember!” Tweedus said loudly as he stroked his knee-length beard. “I’ve got a perfect memory!”

Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.

“Great!” Balthazar said with excitement. “Then maybe you could help me figure out how to repair it?”

“Repair what?” the old man asked, staring up at the light ball above them.

“The… core?”

“Core? What core?!”

“The golem core you gave me the first time we met and that I was talking about just now!”

“Oh, right, right!” said the loud wizard. “What happened to it?”

The crab pulled his backpack down from his shell and reached inside. With a tinge of sadness in his eyes, Balthazar retrieved the two halves of Bouldy’s broken core, holding them carefully in his claws for the old man to see. Despite how long it had been since the avalanche that destroyed the golem, the crab still couldn’t look at what remained of his friend without feeling his heart sink in his shell.

“Oooh, boy!” Tweedus said, examining the lifeless orb with his unevenly sized blue eyes. “What did you do to break a golem core like this? Dropped a mountain on it?!”

“Something like that…” the subdued crustacean said, staring at the floor.

“Bah, don’t be like that, kid,” said the yelling mage. “Golem cores can be put back together!”

“Really?!” Balthazar exclaimed, his eyestalks perking back up to the human.

“Of course! I thought I gave you a book on golemancy along with the core. Didn’t ya read it?”

“Golemancy for Dummies? I read it, multiple times over, there was no mention of repairing a golem core anywhere in it.”

Tweedus threw his head back and rolled his eyes. “Of course! That stuff is only introduced in volume two, Golemancy for Dunces. Hang on, I’m sure I’ve got a copy around here somewhere.”

The wizard in a bathrobe moved behind his desk and started rifling through disorganized shelves and unsorted piles of books.

“So, how did ya find my place anyway?” he asked, looking at a book labeled Tome of Levitation VII before tossing it behind his back.

“Oh, phew,” Balthazar said. “That’s a long story that involves lots of traveling, following leads, and asking for directions. Which reminds me of something I promised someone I’d do if I found you.”

“Oh yeah?” said the human. “Who?”

“There’s this enchantress I met called Ruby. She and her group, the Birdwatchers, are looking for something they think you have. Some kind of ring that goes in this astrolabe thingy…”

“Amil’s astrolabe…” Tweedus said, using a lower tone of voice for the first time since the crab had arrived.

“That’s it!” Balthazar said. “So you know what it is. Any chance you still have the ring they need to complete it and would be willing to give it to me?”

“Nope!” the wizard exclaimed, returning to his excessively loud tone of voice.

The merchant sighed. “Let me guess, you’ve lost the ring years ago down in some old dungeon and it will require a whole quest that takes several days or weeks to retrieve it?”

“No. I have the ring. It’s right there.”

The crab looked at the pile of parchments the old man was pointing at. On top of them sat a piece of brass shaped like a thin cog with several tiny glyphs inscribed along its surface.

“Oh! Great! Then I could just take it back to them and—”

“Bah!” said the wizard as he continued looking through more shelves. “I have no intention of helping those birdwatching fools. And neither should you.”

Balthazar couldn’t help but notice the slightly bitter tone to his words and he wondered if he had struck a nerve.

“Uhm… any reason why?” the merchant sheepishly asked, curious to know more but also worried he might compromise the odds the wizard would help him with the core. “The enchantress mentioned that you and this Amil guy were friends in the past. Did something… happen?”

“No,” said Tweedus, facing the shelves. “Amil was a brilliant guy, but also very obsessed with figuring out this world. I always told him he should just enjoy it for what it is. Then one day he was… gone. I still miss the bastard.” The old man paused, his back turned to the crab, and a quiet sigh escaped his lips. “Those kids calling themselves ‘birdwatchers’ are just idiots trying to go down the same path as Amil. That’s their problem and I don’t want anything to do with it. Got way more important things on my mind. Like finishing my vinyl collection!”

“Oh…” Balthazar said, his mind full of even more questions, the biggest one being what the hell “vinyl” was.

“If you’re smart—and I’m pretty sure you are or else I wouldn’t have ever bothered talking to you in the first place—you will stay away from them too. Let them play their silly detective and spy games. Stay out of it. Enjoy what this world has to offer. Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to find answers for things that don’t need answering. Just have fun. That’s what I do!”

The crab pondered the wizard’s words. Especially the part where he of all people was offering advice on how not to go crazy.

Staying out of it all had been Balthazar’s intention most of the time. Unfortunately, it often seemed like that wasn’t really up to him, and fate—or whatever else—just kept pushing him deeper into things way too big for a simple crab who just wanted to live peacefully in his pond.

“It’s not like I want anything to do with all this big world order crap,” the merchant said with a shrug. “But I keep finding myself thrown right into the middle of it.”

Balthazar sighed.

“Maybe it’s my own fault, though. Maybe I did it to myself the day I got too curious and decided to touch what I shouldn’t have.”

“Oooh yeah, happens to me all the time,” Tweedus said as he kept searching for the book. “I’m always touching things I shouldn’t.”

The crab took a deep breath. Despite the wizard’s kookiness, Balthazar’s gut told him he could be trusted. More than most adventurers he usually met. If there was someone he felt could help him, it was Tweedus. As concerning as that fact was.

“You see,” the crab started, “ever since that day, I’ve gained access to this thing… something I shouldn’t have, and…”

“Ah, you mean the system you got floating around in your eyes?” the old man casually said while digging through the drawers of his desk.

“Yes, the… Wait, you know about that?!” the stunned crustacean blurted.

“Of course I do! First thing I noticed when I took a look at you while buying those mana potions. You think I’ve gotten this far without learning to spot when something looks out of the ordinary? Hah!”

Balthazar stared at the human in disbelief. “Uhh…”

Tweedus stood up straight for a moment to look at the crab. “Look, I don’t care and it’s not like I’m going to tell anyone. It’s none of my business and like I just told you, I’m not interested in poking around anything that will get my eyes pecked out. Take it for what it is, have fun with it, but keep it quiet enough to not make any big waves.”

“Oh… Alright…” the baffled crustacean said.

“You managed to find any good scrolls so far?” the wizard asked, returning to his search. “I remember when I was your level. Damn skills were such a pain to get. And I didn’t have to go around with two pincers for hands, hah! Well… there was that one week where I had hooves and… Bah, never mind, I don’t even like to remember it.”

“I’ve learned a few skills, yes. Some with more questionable usefulness than others,” Balthazar said, his eyestalks turning into a scowl. “Like this most recent one I got. It requires several more levels of Strength than what I have. I don’t want to spend my next levels wasting points on Strength just because of it. But if I don’t, it’s just a wasted skill!”

“Ah, yes, I know the old conundrum,” Tweedus said with a nod of his head. “You’re all in on Charisma, but you wouldn’t mind having some other attribute tricks up your sleeve, eh? Hmm, I might know of something that could be of use to you…”

The old man went back to the desk drawers he had already searched through and pulled a wrinkly rolled up scroll from it.

“Ah, here it is! I knew I still had it somewhere. Perks of never throwing anything away! This old bard friend of mine had this particular skill many years ago that you might find useful.”

He tossed the tube of parchment at the crab, who caught it in his pincer.

“Go on, read it!”

Still feeling weird about reading a Scroll of Potential in front of an adventurer, Balthazar hesitantly unfurled the old parchment in front of him.

A warm glow emanated from it, illuminating his face and briefly overpowering the blue hue of the spinning ball hanging from the ceiling.

[Revealing skill…]

[Confident in Competence]

[Skill - A tier]

[Requirements: 60 CHA]

[Cooldown: 1 day]

[What you may lack in proper qualifications to do a job, you make up for with exceptional self-confidence. Temporarily converts the highest attribute requirement of the next skill you activate into a Charisma requirement of the same level + 25.]

“Oh!” the crab said with surprise.

He checked the requirements of his recently learned Mega Pinch skill again—20 Strength to activate. After reading through the scroll again and doing some quick calculations, Balthazar realized that with this new skill he would be able to at least perform one Mega Pinch a day.

“Not bad. Thanks!” he said to the wizard while rolling the scroll back up. “Hey, wait, how did you know exactly what I needed and would get from this scroll?!”

“Hah! The nose knows, kid!” Tweedus said with a grin and a wink as he tapped the side of his long and thin nose.

“Well, while I appreciate all this, you still haven’t found the one thing I really need to repair my friend, and I’m kind of in a hurry to see him again.”

“B-boss?” Druma sheepishly said, stepping forward from the entrance where he and Blue had been quietly waiting. “Druma think maybe boss wait and rest while wizard look for book. Druma is tired too. Druma don’t mind waiting.”

“Right,” the crab said, giving his assistant the side eye. “I’m sure you wouldn’t mind staying a little longer in the cave of a wizard.”

“Oi-oi, I remember you, little fella!” the old man in slippers said. “You’re the promising young goblin I gave that staff to when that feisty girl back there flew into me that one time.”

Druma perked up and a huge grin appeared on his face.

“Yes, yes! Druma still has staff!” he proudly said, grabbing the staff from his back and showing it to the wizard.

“Haha! And has it served you well?”

The goblin nodded his head vigorously, making the oversized hat on his head bob back and forth.

“Yes, yes! Staff make big KABOOM when Druma use it on bad man that attack boss and Druma back home!”

“Hah! Nice! Glad you’re learning the most important part of magic—making big explosions!”

The grinning goblin kept idly nodding, his sparkling eyes gazing upon the many trinkets and wonders scattered all over the wizard’s workshop.

“Ah, what the hell! I have a soft spot for newbies,” Tweedus said, walking to a nearby closet. “Hang on, I’ve got something for you, to go with that staff.”

The old man squatted down with impressive ease, rummaging through the closet, turning and tossing pieces of clothing around as he searched.

“Here we go! This should suit you nicely!”

The wizard walked up to the goblin and offered him a piece of tattered cloth. It was a green cape, old and ragged, with torn bits on the edges and several moth holes all over it. Despite its appearance, as the fabric moved, and from certain angles, Balthazar could spot brief glimpses of a strange magical shimmer across its surface.

“For… for Druma?” the small assistant said with wide, shiny eyes.

“All yours!” said the loony mage. “I think it will serve you well.”

Balthazar looked at Tweedus with a raised eyestalk. “Do you always give this many free things to all your visitors?”

“Oh, hush, crab!” the human said. “I don’t get a lot of guests, alright? An old man gets lonely!” He paused and smiled at the excited goblin. “You know what? Here, take this too. I’m sure it will be of more use to you than me.”

Reaching into one of his bookshelves, the elder grabbed a thick tome with the title Simple and Totally Safe Arcane Spells for Newbies handwritten on its cover and offered it to the goblin. He took it with a similar expression as his boss used to have when accepting a plate of pie from Madeleine.

“Thank you, wizard mister sir!” Druma exclaimed with teary eyes as he hugged the book.

The crab leaned in closer to the wizard while the goblin put the book down on a nearby table and unfolded his new fashion accessory.

“You know he can’t read, right?” he whispered.

“Hah! That isn’t stopping him from feeling happy, is it?”

Balthazar watched as the gleeful assistant put his new old cape on, tying it around his neck. It draped over his back at a perfect length for his small body, its tattered edges ending right above his ankles, like it was meant for his exact measurements.

Tweedus nodded approvingly as he leaned against his desk, which wobbled slightly. “Huh? Wait a minute…”

The wizard crouched behind the study table for a moment before reappearing with a hearty chortle and a book in his hands.

“It was right under the desk’s foot all along, hah! I forgot this thing started wobbling a couple of decades ago.”

Slamming the tome onto his desk with a loud thud, Tweedus started quickly leafing through the pages of Golemancy for Dunces, his lunatic gaze racing through the lines way faster than anyone should be able to read.

“Aha! There it is. Golem core restoration!”

Visit and read more novel to help us update chapter quickly. Thank you so much!