My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

This was a car crash. A metal fork to an electrical outlet moment. An iceberg-sized disaster of titanic proportions.

Ria engaging with Amanda in any way shape or form was the killing bullet to ignite a full-blown world war.

Behind a wall of pixels, and the magic of radio waves, this was how Amanda was gonna get her first taste of Ria?

Live on stream, to an audience constantly mounting in thousands, totally unaware of the conniving devil behind the keyboard.

Not like this…

"Ria, no," Irene said, springing immediately into action, as always a single step ahead of whatever I was thinking. "Not when she's live. This isn't the time for you to - "

"I only got tonight, don't I?" Ria said. "If not now, I don't got a later. And if I'm gonna actually let you mingle around and play rival against these perfect tens - I got to know what makes them thick first.

"Ria, I said no."

"Or wait," I suggested, barely able to contain my alarm. "She'll get off eventually. You wanna talk to her, then - "

But I was silenced, I was spoken over, my words simply regarded without worth.

"No, either I do this now or - ah! Hey, wait a sec!" Ria stumbled back, swiping the laptop away just in time before Irene could confiscate it. She raised a finger at her, warning… her fiery locks smoldering, threatening. "Either you let me do what I wanna do, or I fly out of here and do our meet-and-greet in person instead."

"Ria, don't be ridiculous," Irene said, scoffing.

"No, I'll find her! You know I will," Ria said, hunching on the brink of a run. "So, then… what's it gonna be?"

Was this even bartering? Did she think she was offering us a bargain here? Both parties are supposed to benefit, yet all the upsides seemed to be all only on her side of the deal. What's even the choice? A slap in the face versus a slightly lighter slap to the face.

How about no slap at all?

Irene looked to me, and I looked to her, and from each other, we saw no better alternatives. The phoenix hath triumph over us once again.

"Don't be obvious," Irene huffed, grudgingly returning to her seat.

"Please," Ria rolled her eyes, scooting back behind the counter, and giving her knuckles an eager crack. "I'm not an idiot."

Irene huffed again, a somber expression in the shade of her bangs.

"I know..."

Ria fiddled with the laptop for a fair bit. Typing, stopping, clicking - rinse and repeating - it was all very intriguing.

Try as might though, five feet was as close as I could possibly get without risking getting roasted in the name of private browsing.

So I initiated plan B: tuning into the live stream myself using my own phone, and there I watched as Amanda continued on with her broad strokes, drawing and redrawing a particularly sharp curve until she was satisfied with it… all the while remaining ignorant of what was about to happen.

Unflinching and unblinking, I pressed my gaze closely to the steady stream of messages to the side… the influx of emojis, of inside jokes, and a handful of moderator warnings keeping things proper… watching, waiting for one that was not like the rest.

Somewhere down the line, the empty seat next to me began to sink, and with a jolt in my lungs and a whiff of something sweet, Irene came and joined me for this impromptu stakeout… mumbling regrets one after the other under her simmering breath.

"Really, now?" Ria chuckled from afar, staring at the both of us huddled shoulder to shoulder. "I ain't waiting with a knife at her doorstep, why are you acting like I am? What do you think I'm going to do precisely?"

"No point wondering that," Irene said.

"We'll find out soon enough, won't we?" I finished.

"Love me enough to wake me, but enough to trust me…" Ria bemoaned, her face clenching in anguish. "Fine, sure - you're all the better for it anyway."

There was a split-second where I saw her sorrow warped into something a bit more sinister, before I felt my eyes tear away, hearing a chime, a ding… something popping on screen.

A donation.

From one 'Riana Von Birb'.

Classy.

"Fifty dollars?!" Irene bellowed, jumping out of her seat again like she's got a spring attached to her ass. "No! No, that is not okay! I did not give you permission to use my card in any sort of - !"

"Still under the budget," Ria immediately retorted. "Besides, it's the only way it'll let me send one this long! Also, you can ask for it back at any time. Who'd say no to a demanding officer?"

"Card. Now."

Seeing, seething red, Irene trembled the earth with her stomps forward.

Meanwhile, I remain rooted in place, staring at an excerpt of the donation message in the brief, fleeting seconds they appeared on screen… wanting it to go away… wishing for it not to exist… please just ignore it…

Oh, please don't read it…

Amanda looked up, and I felt my hopes sink down. She set her stylus flat to the side - like my heartbeat on an ECG, and with the sweetest, most innocent smile on her face, she started to read.

"Fifty dollars from… Riana Von… Birb. Wow. Someone's feeling generous tonight. But, thanks! Thanks very much, um…"

Her eyes flicked down ever so little, and right then, I had half the mind to try harnessing the lightning and just zap this city to darkness.

But alas, I am powerless.

"Hey, Amanda! Firstly, Happy New Year! I've been a silent watcher for a long time and come to really admire you and your sparkling personality - aww, thank you," she nodded gratefully before resuming. "That being said, I'd appreciate some advice - and I hope you'd give it some thought. I would really like to hear your opinion on this as it really matters to me personally."

At this point, Amanda went and leaned in a little closer, paying that much closer attention to what Ms. Von Birb had to ask.

"You see, I am deeply in love with a close friend of mine. He doesn't know, but I've been secretly interested in him for a long time now. I made advances, dropped some subtle hints, and I'm ninety-nine percent sure he also feels the same, but this is where it actually gets a bit complicated…"

Amanda cocked her head, her mouth hanging open briefly in silence, before her voice swelled back up… sounding extremely disconcerted.

"My friend is already dating three other girls. Like, at the same time. It sounds weird, I know. But apparently it works for them. Works for him. From what I can tell, he treats them all fair and equally, and they all seem like they're happy with the way things are for them. If I go confess to him, and if he says yes… I'm certain he'll insist on dating me along with the other three. And I'm not sure if I want that, honestly."

The chat was blitzing at Mach five as the seconds went by. Just an endless stream of GIFs, emojis, and 'Ayo?'s scrolling past.

"Ideally, I'd want him all to myself. But at the same time, I'd rather not make a choice. Because I know if it's between me and the other three," Amanda went soft, her lips losing the glow they once had as they slowly fell close. "I know it won't be me he chooses. It's messed up, but I really love him… and this is the first time I ever felt like this for anyone, I don't want to lose him."

"Ria," Irene's arms slump to her side, her card hanging loose between her fingers. "Just what on earth…"

"Told you already," Ria cracked her hands again, laying them behind her head. Job well done. "I wanna know just what this girl knows - that's all."

"This was supposed to just be a celebration. How did it come to this?"

"Hey, you woke me up, sweetheart," Ria reminded her. "How long are you going to be forever shocked?"

"You've got a boyfriend, right?" Amanda's voice churned out from the speaker. "From what I can tell, you love him to bits too, don't you?"

And from a few meters between, Ria looked me in the eyes - feeling a slap to the face that wasn't the slightest bit lighter at all.

"So, say, if you were in my position, if your boyfriend was like him, if you had to choose…" Amanda reached the end of the donation, sounding and looking worse than she was fifty bucks less. "...what would you do?"

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