Chapter 621: Side Chapter: The Other Side Of Envy
“God... ugh... how does he do it so good?”
Amanda had her tongue sticking way out, pulling a grimace looking like one of those children’s toys you squeeze as hard as you can... and the bitterness coating her entire mouth, nearly had her retching her insides, definitely had the makings of an arm-wrestling champion, with how far it had her eyes bulging out of their sockets.
“Handsome barista you are not, Amanda,” She reprimanded herself, still gagging, while swiftly pouring the rest of the brown sludge teeming the rims of her favorite mug down the hungry sink. “Good try, though.”
Yet despite her tongue feeling as if it’ll never taste anything again, the coffee, if she dared even called it that, did the trick-if she wasn’t awake before, then she definitely was now.
Regarding her attempts to calm her nerves, however... now that was a different story entirely. Up and down, left and right, scurrying feet wearing down the integrity of her floorboards, the entire situation couldn’t have her sitting still or keeping quiet.
There was a vampire in her goddamn apartment, for God’s sake! The middle of the night, no less! People die just tripping over their pavements, and she just allowed her former blood-sucking abductor into her humble abode with a ‘Come on in!’
“She’s not gonna do anything!” She whispered almost maniacally to herself the millionth assurance for the umpteenth time already. “She’s just here for help on a date, just for love-yes, just for love! Just for...”
.....
Then, a more powerful emotion overtook all others. Dulling her fear, numbing her apprehension. An actual monster could have assaulted her then, and she wouldn’t have flinched for nothing could compare to the deep green of envy.
If only she had a better reason for still shambling around awake at four in the morning. Maybe if she were preparing props now, or compiling photos for the next movie shoot happening soon, she wouldn’t mind the lateness of the hour so much. And if it had been her date, if it would have been her Christmas to prepare for instead... without a doubt, she would wholeheartedly spend an entire week sleepless if that’s what it took to make it absolutely perfect.
But this... sacrificing sleep for something like this... it’s as if she deliberately wanted to keep him away... to have his affections for her wane and diminish... first it was Ash, and now it’s Adalia... and yet she just couldn’t find it in her heart to look the other way because, above all else, she wanted him to absolutely enjoy himself, to be as happy as he possibly can, even if she herself ultimately wouldn’t be the one providing that happiness for him...
She started to pace around again, this time her aimless stride having her lean against the wall outside her bedroom, chiming in again, just as she had done for the third, second, and first time, “Done deciding what you wanna wear yet?”
But unlike the first, second, and third time, the muffled voice behind closed door responded back differently, “I have...”
“Great, coming in now...”
Her bedroom looked the same as it always had, college certificates and cosplay awards lined the shelves, and life-size posters of movies and games were plastered across the walls like paint. A drabby box of old figurines sat in a random corner awaiting that ‘tomorrow’ that she insisted on every day to finally be unpacked.
The same scene indeed, minus perhaps a wide-opened wardrobe and a crumpled pile of clothes strewn across her bedsheets... also not forgetting the literal vampire she invited into her own home, standing there in the middle of it all, dressed head to toe in her own clothing... other than that though, it was pretty much same old, same old.
Adalia slowly spun around towards the day, a light flutter of silk and fabric weaving gracefully with her movement, and at once, Amanda felt the surge of envy once again, her narrowed lips slightly twitching at a corner.
“You have... nice clothes...” Adalia said, her compliment sadly failing to reach her ears. “Do... I look nice...?”
‘Nice’ would not be the word Amanda would use. ‘Infuriating’ was more like it. Because how? How the hell? How was it that someone so expressionless, so insipid, could still look a million times better than her in that outfit?
That navy blue blouse with loose sleeves falling in short folds had somehow brought newfound life to her pale skin, a pleasing sort of contrast... and with it exposing her long slender arms, the smooth skin of her chest, surely an arousing kind too.
Then there was that skirt, embroidered in a pleated grayish pattern that only served to highlight the deep silver of her flaxen hair, and as well as accentuate the gray of her usually vacant, dreary stare.
No need for makeup, no need for hair curlers, long minutes spent intensely staring into a mirror unneeded-Adalia simply exuded an elusive, ethereal beauty just by mere presence alone.
Compared to her... boring brown eyes... tousled blonde hair that looked like a heap of sand on a beach... how was she ever to compare?
“You look... annoyed...” Adalia suddenly muttered.
Amanda blinked, head empty. “Annoyed? Don’t even think about it. The state of my room though, maybe, yeah, but anyway-good, great... you look great. Better than me, that’s for sure.”
The vampire gave another delicate sway, peering at herself in a nearby mirror as if staring at a complete and total stranger. “Do you think... he will like it...?”
That infuriating feeling again. Amanda forced it down, peeking over at the mirror with a beaming smile wide on her face. “He’ll love it.”
A little while later, they both returned to the living room, seated, and served with chocolate milk from a carton in the fridge. A far more delectable refreshment than that steaming pot of brown sludge she still had sitting neglected at the kitchen counter.
“So you got the perfect clothes, you got the perfect date to use those clothes, and the perfect guy to see you in those clothes,” Amanda said, lifting one finger up after the other. “Activities, umm, I’m not really sure what you two have in common. So when it comes to doing stuff, well...” She shrugged at her. “...what is it that you guys like to do together anyway?”
It was like waiting for a chatbot to give you an answer. Adalia remained silent for so long that it was as if she really could not compute.
“Quizzes,” She finally replied.
“Quizzes?”
“Yes...” She nodded. “Breakfast too... and sleeping... and dinner... and talking...”
“No, that’s just normal stuff, Adalia...”
“Bathing...”
“Bathing?”
“Yes...” She nodded again, taking Amanda’s stunned reaction as a request to elaborate. “We bathe... together... I think he likes it... I know... I do...”
The number of times Amanda felt something flaring up inside her was enough to overflow a volcano and then some. Quickly, she took a sip from her mug, dousing the flames before it was too late.
“Okay, whatever, look, we follow your list to the tee, then you’ll just end up spending an average day with him like any other,” Amanda said, throwing her a dubious stare. “You sure that’s how you wanna spend your date together?”
Adalia threw an inquiring look back. “Is that not... enough...?”
“You do want to show your love to him, don’t you?” She furrowed her brows. “Plus, it’s Christmas. Do you have anything planned as a gift?”
“Mmm...”
“I’ll take that as a no, then,” Amanda blew a sigh. “Actually, I don’t think you’ll have to sweat anything anyway. Knowing him, he’ll probably have something planned for the day itself already. It’s how he is, you know? If it’s special... then he’ll make it special.”
“But I would like... to do something for him... too...” Adalia said, her misty tone echoing with earnestness.
“I mean, you could, nothing’s stopping you,” She encouraged. “But whatever it is, I don’t think it’s something I can just tell you. It’s a personal thing. It’s something you’ll have to give from the heart. And even if you can’t think of anything, then rest assured, just being there with him, just spending that special time with him, you’ll already have done your fair share.”
“My... fair... share...?”
“Of love,” She said simply.
“Doing nothing...” Adalia slowly began, the misty clouds in her eyes without recognition. “...means I love him...?”
“In a way, yes.” Amanda smiled, letting out a small chuckle. “Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, does it?”
“No... it does not...” Adalia remarked, pupilless eyes staring keenly at her sleep-deprived teacher taking another sip of her drink across from her. “Love is... very... confusing...”
“Ahh...” Amanda smacked her lips, wearing a brown frothy smile. “You can say that again.”
“But how about... you...?” came another question, a puzzling stare swirling gray and curious. “How do you... love him...?”
“How do I love...?” Amanda paused, and briefly, it was her turn to not compute. It was such a vague question, not to mention a tad bit too personal. But for some reason, she didn’t mind it. For some reason, she felt compelled to answer it.
“Well, I would ... I would...” and before long, she found her lips twitching at the prospect of all the things she would do. “I would smile at him every time he looks at me. I would touch him, sneakily get a feel here and there every chance I get. See, he always looks angsty, always has this tense look on his face as if he’s expecting trouble around every corner. And all it takes is one stroke on the cheek, and it’s like he can finally breathe again.
“I like to distract him, I don’t like seeing him stressed. So I would plan something, scheme about, try to get him thinking about something else... and hopefully something far more enjoyable. And a single smile, a single chuckle-and I know I’ve succeeded. And I’ll keep him close, pretend to whine and complain, give him small little problems that are more aligned to ordinary life that he can easily solve by just being there with me. We can go for a walk, I could coerce him into a convention, or we could just laze on the couch talking and joking till we pass out. All that matters is that for a time, he can be an ordinary person for a while.”
They just kept spilling out of her, more and more, without being prompted, without being forced, she didn’t have to think at all about what to say, she already knew.
“I love staring at him. I love listening to him talk. He has this slight accent that’s just too adorable to interrupt. And when he whispers, when he gets close, you could fall asleep just listening to his voice and I just get so lost in his eyes, you know... usually they make him look like he’s glaring all the time, but when he’s that close... they just sorta melt with kindness, this-this softness... and it just-it just makes you feel like you’re the most special person he’s ever met, even when you know you might not be...”
When she said it, it stung, but it stung even more to continue keeping it in. Amanda kept going.
“If he needs to be comforted, I want to be there. If he has any problems, I want to be the person to help him with it. But I realize, knowing the way his world is, there’s only so much I can do... that’s why, even if I am just a simple afterthought, I want to do all that I can for him anyway. And if it does turn out that I can’t be the one, if there’s someone else, someone better than me that can help him, comfort him... or love him... then I’ll... I’ll gladly step out of the way.”
She thought her smile would fade away, or her voice might suddenly falter-but they didn’t. Her lips only grew wider, and her words only became firmer, louder. Her affections only growing stronger.
“Whether he loves me, whether he thinks the same as me, there’s no describing the happiness knowing that he does, but honestly-it doesn’t really matter if he does or don’t. Because I would still love him just as much as I do now regardless. I’ll get jealous, sure, I’ll get bitter... maybe I’ll even feel a little resentful towards him... I’m human, I’m not perfect, so I won’t be able to help myself... but even so... I suppose it shows just how much he really means to me, you know?”
“And that...” Amanda finished, not knowing when was the last she even took a breath. “...is how I love him.”
It was as if she just broke out of a stupor or something. Suddenly she felt acutely aware of her surroundings, and how heavy Adalia’s stare had instantly gotten. Her face was flaring, and she found it difficult to keep her eyes forward.
“Um, well...” She muttered limply, obscuring her face by raising her mug again. “There you have it. Take it however way you want, I guess...”
“I’m... envious...”
Amanda nearly spat out the rest of her drink, and at the same time, nearly choked on it as well. Adalia was looking at her in a way she hadn’t before, like a longing... a kind of want... a kind of...
Envious? Adalia? Her?
“You know... exactly... how to love... him...” Adalia whispered, batting slowly. “You understand... why you do... how you feel... and what to do... to love him back...” and quietly, that longing again. “I don’t know yet... how to do any of... that... for him...”
“Uh, sure you will, eventually you will,” Amanda replied, feeling strangely placated. “After all, these feelings... it comes naturally when you’re in love...”
But Adalia blinked again, and it was as if the gray in her had slightly dimmed, slightly fallen, as she sullenly stared into the empty, barren bottom of her cup.
“Not... to me...”
For all her mystique, for all her flair, it seems even the flawless had their flaws. Amanda could see that now.
“You are... amazing... Amanda...” Adalia looked back up at her. “I am... jealous of you...”
“Well, that’s why we’re here, right? To fix that issue of yours,” Amanda said in cheer. “Now stop seething, already. We got a date to get you prepped for.”
Then somewhere between hastily swiping their mugs and refilling them both, Amanda caught a fleeting look at the clock on the wall-five in the morning ticking in at perfect timing, and surprisingly found that deep down inside herself...
That she didn’t mind the late hour at all.
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