Her mother's broken voice and cries kept ringing in her head as she cleaned herself and got out of the bathroom.
Kian had dropped the sanitary products on the bed so she put them on and rushed out of their bedroom to see her husband.
He was in the kitchen, preparing something, she had no care for. Kian noticed her presence and smiled at her.
"Breakfast is ready!"
He declared and set plates for two on the counter. She gave him a small smile before settling in on the high stool.
"I have something for you."
Kian said, getting close to her and giving her the takeout. She took it off from his hand and opened it.
It was her favourite vanilla cake and baked chocolate tart. It was still hot, baked fresh in the morning.
She smiled at him. She took a deep breath and started eating. It was only then she realized how much hungry she was.
Kian watched his wife eat silently. He had no idea how to start...or start a conversation with her.
After last night, they had not talked and it was kind of awkward between them all of a sudden. She had been acting very silent, only shaking her head or giving a small smile as a response to him.
He sat right beside her and started eating his food too. He was very enthusiastic to share what he had encountered in the cafe.
But did not know where to start. It was a brief realization from the sudden emptiness that loomed over him since last night after Agatha narrated the story of the expecting couple in the morning.
It was a boost to his tired, lost soul. They tried for four years and did not give up on hope.
It was only their first attempt. He thought. It was a creation of life matter. Nothing could just go right in the first go.
The amount of blood he saw gushing out of her last night, it made him think that they could never have a child because he did not want to see her the way he saw her last night.
It was as if for the first time, he felt losing. Even after surrendering everything he had built for the last fifteen years, it did not feel that bad the way he felt last night.
He had lost hope but after watching those couple, hope had been reinstalled in his blood and veins.
Tinsley finished her plate and the cake and was about to stand up to take her plate to the sink to wash it clean when Kian held her back.
She looked up at him. His eyes boring deep into hers but she parted her gaze from his, feeling eerie.
"How are you feeling?"
He asked, after a moment of white silence. It was a simple question, yet the most tricky one for Tinsley to answer at the moment.
She was feeling nothing but then was feeling a lot of things too at the same time.
Would he understand if she told him that she felt empty??
Would he understand if she told him how dead she felt every time the blood drained out of her body??
Maybe...maybe it was how her mother was feeling too. She had multiple miscarriages to the point of giving up.
A being an asshole, her father never understood the grief that Marshelly Rutherford went through every day, bleeding her supposed babies down the toilet.
"I feel not fine...but I will be ok!"
Tinsley said the last part was for her...she was trying to console herself. She was trying hard to not lose like her mother.
Kian did not get what exactly she was saying. But he could sense that something was wrong even then he did not want to pry things out of her.
He wanted her to willingly confide in him. And that would take some time, he knew because she also lost something they both thought was there when there was none.
Tinsley broke out of his hold and walked towards the sink, collecting both their plates and opening the faucet to clean it.
"Something happened in the cafe when I was bringing you the cake."
"Uhmm."
Tinsley hummed, her back facing Kian as he started with the story that unfolded in the morning.
Every time there was silence, she heard the cries and whimpers of her mother and it sickened her mind.
She could hear her loud curses and the sound of breaking things inside the room as she stood outside, holding her teddy and crying along with her mother.
Her mind drifted off to the time when she had the baby inside her. What if her baby heard every time Kian talked to him or her, caressing her belly??
Did they hear?? Or was everything bull shit??
"...It took me by the surprise of what Agatha told me, you know..."
Tinsley gave me a blank stare, not getting what he was talking about. She had zoned out of their conversation long ago.
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"I need a break...I need it, Max."
"You need a break?? You do??"
"You are given one job, Marshelly...one job to bear my goddamn son but you miscarry it every time."
"Don't you understand??"
"I can't keep going through this...it breaks me every time, Max."
Marshelly cried. "It's breaking me...I need a fucking break...I need to mend myself first before..."
"...before you can go running back to your baby daddy??"
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"Tinsley??? Are you alright??"
Kian approached her as he saw that his wife was physically here with him but not mentally at all.
He neared her, leaning on the kitchen sink as she kept looking out straight in the space.
"Tinsley?? Baby?? What is wrong??"
Kian confronted, standing right in front of her. She was too lost to notice his presence.
All she saw was her mother and father quarrelling and then...she saw herself too, crying silently in the corner, cursing a teddy to her heart.
"Oh, fucking stop it Max!!! Fucking give me a break!!!"
She screamed out, astonishing both herself and Kian.
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